Random Ramblings In A Letter To Her

Dear You-Know-Who-You-Are,
Its 5am, i'm still awake. And for some reason, i think you are awake too. I don't know what i would write if i wanted to in 1 letter. "You've been on my mind lately" ? "I miss u" ? or "I hope i never did the things I did" ?...

It hurts me, but all three seem true leaving an undefined controversy within me. Why does it hurt me when you make a wrong choice? And mainly, What's wrong with me?

People screw up. In everything. But i think they mainly do in relationships. I'm not being condescending or saying that "the grapes are sour" but it so happens that all the people i have met are damaged. Undeniably and inexplicably. The menial things don't matter, like grades or in the generic things that are not going to be there the next day.

Relationships so happen to change people, they tend to close off, from all the better people.Never trusting, always worried when the next person is going to take advantage of them. Everyone seems like an enemy. Even me.(p.s. im not saying I'm the right person) (p.p.s look around, the right person might be the person who is always nice to you, who knows :P)

I've been noticing, Girls keep falling for guys who don't actually deserve them. Smooth talking guys, taking advantage of the fact that the person they talk to is vulnerable. He flirt, she thinks she is in love, and the person ending up hurt need not be said. This happened with small wonder, who seems to be in love with the big blunder who is two timing her. She is, nonetheless, stupid because her ex did the same. A mistake the first time is a mistake, a repetition is just plain dumb.

I tried being the good guy there, ended up stranded with no one believing me especially her. Was being the good guy bad? I have always tried being the good guy. Protecting everyone. And every time it has turned out for the worse, making me wonder over and over if it was all worth it. I persevere.

I don't want this to happen to you too, but isn't that just highly expectant.

Trying to cure everyone so that i can finally have a non-cynical world to talk to seems a bad quasi-selfless motive because people will be, people. Cynical, closed off.

Then i meet you. The most untainted person one can meet. Naivety and happiness run through you. I'm loving it. I can be open and carefree and not ever have to tell you to keep a secret because i know you will...

I don't know, i want to keep this feeling forever. But i can't. I think i screwed up. By being honest about my motives. By not running around the bush with swish SMS or smooth flirting. I can't flirt, not because i am genetically unable to conjure 2 sentences that exploit your vulnerability, but because i care for you too much to make promises i can't keep up.

I care too much, is that whats killing me? Even after caring, you are going to end up making the same mistake. Falling into things that change you. Make you a different person. With me, only being able to wipe your tears. Again, this is not that i am bugged with it, but it hurts me every time.

Its 5:44 and i still don't make sense. But i think what i want to say is, i care for you, i want to keep caring for you and i will always be there for you.

I'm just trying to show that i am deeper than what i show, i care more than what i show, and i don't want to end up being your psychiatrist like i have become for everyone else.

Love,
I Truly Do...

p.p.p.s:- do i sound like a douche for thinking like this? Do you think i am advertising MYSELF? Just a clarification, IM NOT. I want, like all messiah-complex affected people in the world, for the world to be perfect. Let me start with myself...