Flawed

Another year bites the dust. Some more unique and divergent thoughts pass without so much as materialization. Its not that i expect some transcendental revelation on a random day, however i do want to believe that every day should serve a motive and shouldn't be just a supplement of 24 hours to endless purposelessness. After all isn't it purpose that everyone craves for?
All this makes me wonder; Are we actually meant to serve a purpose or is purposelessness itself our purpose!

This post was not supposed to be about perpetually unanswerable questions and the fact that it comes up shows the paramount confusion in the tiny brain of mine.
Actually, I wanted to make this post about the past year. About what I have learnt, fondly remembered, shunned.

I think the only thing I learnt this year is how flawed everything is. By flawed, I mean surpassing the societal definition of 'Perfect'. And even though we are in constant search of perfection, we love everything BECAUSE it is flawed. Flaws subdue our ego constantly by reminding us of our limitations, however, giving us solace in the fact that everyone is, in fact, JUST HUMAN. It gives us the biggest freedom, as Gandhi put it, the freedom to err. It liberates us. This gives me constant hope :)

This year I missed my sis a lot. Even though she left only in august and we talk constantly, I miss her presence/constant support/torture/always being there for me... (*to Kamya* When you are back in may, we are going to P-A-R-T-Y!!! Come back soon :P)

As for shunned, I gave up any concept of an extra corporeal deity. Not due to lack of judgement but for lack of unanimity, singularity in idea and consistency in the scriptures that define it. I however still remain open to the idea...

It has been a great year...

Happy New Year 2010...

p.s. This is most probably the last post for this year unless something of a mammoth nature comes up :)...L8R...
p.p.s Don't mind the grammatical errors or the inconsistency in ideas. I am, admittedly, more of a thinker than a writer :P

10 by 30

Bored by not studying all day, I wanted to do something I hadn't done but desired to do since a long time. I picked up a chair and some food and sat up on the roof.
It may sound lame, but it was different from just roaming around with your buddies and time really does slow down. Even with an overwhelming sunset at a distance, you can't but think about yourself and life in general. Random ponderings metamorphose into something more tangible.
My third semester examinations are beginning tomorrow. And this may sound cliched but it DOES seem like yesterday when I remember the first day at engineering and it seems just one day before that that I gave my standard 12 board exams.
This seems like an unexpected realization (to me at least), but life is going fast....a tad bit too fast. And the worst part is, most of it is inconspicuous and rarely noteworthy.
Gazing up at the resplendent colors of the cloud formations, the only thing I could think about was the futility of life if not for goals. Revelation....I decided to write down a list of 10 things I wanted to do by the time I turn 30 (again may sound cliched, but what the heck...i'm doing it anyway).
Why 30...well the average lifespan is about 60 years. And a half-life check would be a good yardstick of the attainment.

These are not in order of preference or chronology but just as they come to me...

1) Build a catamaran
2) Buy a penthouse
3) Live for 6 months in New York
4) Visit 5 continents
5) Touch all the 7 wonders of the world
6) Stay throughout the 45 days of the brazil carnival
7) Watch one coldplay concert, live
8) Spend $20,000 in vegas
9) Drive 1000 kms and back in one trip
10) Own a convertible

All these are neither sensible nor in any sense fathomable at this juncture in my life. But all are possible.
On a closing note, even if I DO accomplish the whole list, I want the journey of accomplishment to be much more memorable than the destinations.

To Hope....Cheers

p.s. If u comment, try to add your 10 by 30 list too :D

Kurbaan- Some love stories have bad american accents on them

Its Saturday, and you are bored. So what do you do. You call a bunch of friends for a movie expecting it to be a 2 hours of fun. But its just not your day when you go to the theater and buy tickets for Kurbaan. Unfortunately it wasn't mine either.
I bought red lounge seats, which i think were the saving grace of the day. The seats were so comfortable, i could take a nap everytime kareena came up on screen. Agreed she looks amazing in this flick, but looks can only get you so far dear (Exception- Katrina. Her looks can get her EVERYWHERE)
Not to lie, i missed about 20 minutes in the beginning. But i don't think anything much happened because the couple next to me had already started staring at each other rather than the screen.
I entered at 'Shukran Allah', which shows that Sonu Nigam is BACK with a bang. The tone just sticks to you and you are compelled to download it the moment you get home. The backdrop is awe striking. It makes you realise, love songs can look good WITHOUT the swiss backdrop too.
What follows is something i have seen a million times in the hundred million movies about terrorism, 'Jihad', and the terrorists' point of view. It gets so predictable that even the 'suspense noise' doesn't have me reaching for the comforter.
Now comes our male positive protagonist Rehaan Mahsood (Mr. Vivek 'I really learnt english at a call center' Oberoi), a TV news reporter who just returned after covering the Iraq war situation. His opening dialog with his dad has a sentence with so many fake 'R''s (The fake american accent types) it is insanely hysterical. ('ABBA, We ARE Armericran!!!'). Bloody hell, I laughed so hard, I tipped over my popcorn.
He is in love with another reporter (Dia Mirza) whose name i kinda forgot (And whose performance I would love to forget). Unfortunately, she gets killed in a bomb blast on her plane to Iraq along with a lot of UN dignitaries. Rehaan wants to avenge his girlfriend's death, and to his luck he gets a lead to the bombers due to kareena's message on his girlfriend's answering machine just before the bombing.
Then begins his undercover mission and so on an so forth. Mentioning the rest of the movie would just be a waste of two people's time, yours and mine. So let me just summarize the whole film.
Saif (Even with some amazing acting) dies in the end.
Kareena and her unborn fetus live.
Dia dies (pretty early in the story too, thank heavens).
Vivek lives (but god WHY!!)

Note- Kirron Kher and Om Puri are pretty watchable. Amazing negative role.
p.s. Both die :P
Spoiler alert- Saifu kills kirron aunty and vivek takes down Om uncle :D

p.p.s. The movie has a lot of technical errors. I think even the director got pretty bored of the flick to actually re-shoot. The bloopers (highly noticable) are fun to watch. But its not worth bearing the other hundred and seventy minutes of the film for just a few minutes of sadistic joy.

p.p.s. I am not Mayank Shekar or Minty Tejpal to give an actual review. This is just a rip on the flick. So don't take it seriously, its just a light read.

English At Its Best

A Paki officer stops a car, asks the driver to get out and cuffs him. On asking for the reason for the arrest, the officer snorts "You are FIVE guys in a Fiat 'Quattro'".
"But officer its a car meant for five people. It says so in the manual".
The officer angrily retorts "Can't you read it in the name that QUATTRO is meant for four people?".
The guy, annoyed by now, asks to speak to a commanding officer.
The junior replies "You might have to wait. He is busy arresting TWO guys in a Fiat 'Uno'"
:S
Moral:
Never teach a Paki english :P

2 States - Boredom and Naivety

I read a chetan bhagat's new book, 2 States, a couple of days back. With low hopes at the start itself, i was still disappointed at the end which surprisingly did not surprise me at all. I had just two reasons to read this lost-cause-of-a-book. 1) I needed a quick read (something like a quick fix when you are excessively bored) and 2) Well, i had no other reason to pick up this book actually, but having just one reason makes it stupid on my part to pick it up.
Chetan bhagat explores all possible combinations for torturing the audience. First by writing major shit on a call center love/god realization story. Then by moving on to the 3 mistakes of a loser's life and finally his marriage to supposedly the hottest girl from IIMA.
His first book, 5 point someone, was somewhat OK. Come on, you need to give the guy SOME credit being an amateur writer. But the writing style remains the same even after 4 books which cannot be appreciated. WE DON'T READ BOOKS TO READ THE SAME CONVERSATIONAL ENGLISH. We read so that it may enhance our knowledge on the language which is twisted in itself (where 'go' should actually be pronounced GU if 'to' is pronounced TO)
The prologue opens with the protagonist at the shrink's office (where the shrink has quite a sick sense of humor. God forbid I go there, I might actually be depressed AFTER the visit). The prologue is about all what i can remember properly because this book doesn't leave any other impression, except being a bad one, in your head.
The remaining story of this one revolves around his life in IIMA, where he finds the love of his life. But she is a Tam Bram and he is a punjabi. Not that it matters to them, they love making out at all points of the book. But the families have to accept the love and get them married, which is tough due to ego and cultural clashes. Long story short : Happy Ending with Twins.
Also, to add to the misery, the book is nothing but the writers naive version of love, sex and Tam Bram families. His portrayal of women shows them as easy, loose and craving his fat ass. Reading it makes you go like 'DUDE...WTF'. And again, not all Tam Bram families have their mothers as carnatic singers and dads as second level workers. Stop your fuckin prejudice!
Overall, the "novel" is nothing novel, leaves you with a bad experience and kills 3 hours of your life that you are never going to get back. To finish, i can only compare his book to nothing but a masala bollywood flick, with bad slapstick and an insanely hot female lead :P
Read this one at your own stupidity...

p.s. This review (if i may call it that) focuses more on insulting the writer for all his retardation rather than on just this one book. Sorry for the global approach :D

p.p.s. HE IS NOT INDIA'S MOST READ ENGLISH AUTHOR. STOP SPREADING SUCH MORONIC IDEAS.

The viva-vocevich theory

My viva was postponed by a day due to reason unknown and so it was today. It is always a fun sight watching the teacher's minions studying like it was the last day of the earth and studying would keep them alive in the post apocalyptic world. As usual, i hadn't studied a thing. But this time, i had three reasons not to study.
First; I had attained Zenlightenment and finally understood that these small things aren't going to matter in the bigger picture.
Second; I somehow have this weird feeling of being the Bernard Madoff of viva-vocas. Maybe not with so much glamor or a lifetime in prison, but sure as hell the audacity of not studying shit and being able to score top notch :D
And finally, i have a scientific theory to support my claim that he was going to ask me some very VERY simple questions
I'm calling it THE VIVA-VOCEVICH THEORY. Its copyright so don't even try.
It goes like so:
Viva examinations are a simple one on one with an external examiner you don't know. So the first point being that if you are well dressed and respect his authority, he's gonna shower you with marks. Also, the complexity of the questions depends on the number of students he has to question.
Case 1 (Yesterday; when he did not show up):
The batch consisted of 30 odd people and he was supposed to arrive at 9 and leave by 3 which, in theory gives him a lot of time to screw students. However, after 10 or 12 odd students, he eases up mainly because he gets bored.
So the easiness of the questions can be given by a graph of a bell curve

The first roll no. (unfortunately me) was going to get screwed up so as to set an example to the others that the external is unnerving and unsparing. The last roll no. was also screwed because the examiner knows that he can have no more fun torturing kids for the day and he would take all the frustration on the last kid.
The middle ones had it easy; the examiner would be bored, hungry and just wanting to go home due to the stupid answers given by their predecessors.

Case 2 (Today, when the viva DID happen):
It was supposed to start at 9 and he came nicely at 1:30, promptly went for lunch and then finally sat in the examination room at 2.
Now, he had to take the viva of 65 students by 3:45, hence a time constraint caused a change in his examination pattern. The graph of the question complexity suddenly becomes an exponential curve.

The last ones get screwed up in this case also because, well, the examiner just wants to have some fun.
So according to my own theory, i should've gotten the easiest question today. SO WHY STUDY!!!
Now isn't this theory awesome :P

p.s. It worked for me. Try it sometime...

p.p.s. The writer claims no responsibility in case of a screwed up test because you followed his advice

Zenlightenment 1

My viva-voce was supposed to start today. At 9 am, an external examiner whom we never knew was going to fire questions at all of us ONE-BY-ONE. Even though most of us know the answers when we are at our calmest (like when we are trying to impress other dumbwits with our superior knowledge) anyone rarely has the balls to answer. All you can think at that moment of the examiners fury is to NOT CRY IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.

The mere thought of this viva shakes people to the core. But me, being more of a realized soul *chuckles*, can only think of a quasi-zen proverb
"Even this will pass, either like a violent diarrhea with jet speed and minimal pain, or like the constipation caused by twenty odd bananas, extremely slow, painful and usually ending up tearing your arse out"

By the power of the zen master, let it be the former. Amen!

2 1/2

This is just a random observation. Nontheless it is oh-so-powerful.I've made a new theory. The 2 1/2 theory. It goes like so.

2 1/2 gulps = 1 pint of beer

2 1/2 pints = 1 bottle of beer

2 1/2 bottles = 1 pitcher

2 1/2 pitchers = 1 tower

2 1/2 towers = 1 drunk ass party

:P

p.s. I am again posting from the chamber of xaolin. After all, i get such birdbrained thoughts only there.

I've Been Thinking...

My blogging has faced a slump. Its hit a dry spell. Its been tapped out. I can't come up with more metaphors to say that my writing is dead. At least for the last 3 days, going from a post a day to zilch. I am unable to write or come up with anything...

I visited this blog. To tell the truth, i was completely intimidated by the writing. He is writing what I want to! That too 4 months ahead of me :(

I'm in admiration of the blog but COME ON!! Let me also get some credit for my writing..

Will think of innovative posts to beat the bugger.

Till then, may the power of blogger keep you hooked.

Xaolin Showdown

The chambers of xaolin are sacred. The have been used for ages by the chinese for traning their warriors. The chambers, a not-so-well-guarded secret, train the mortals all the qualities necessary to be a warrior including physical, mental and emotional training.
There are originally 32 chambers of xaolin. To stop you from wondering where i am heading with this post, i'll spill it out. Today i found the 33rd chamber.
Quietly nestled on the eight floor of our college, it poses itself as an internet room for the moronic mortals. When an ordinary man tries to connect on the internet, the warrior learns a new quality. That of mind numbing PATIENCE!!!
It takes 12 freakin minutes to open a site like blogger. And while you wait it doesn't even play a HOLD ringtone. *grrr*
The 33rd chamber of xaolin is soon to be detroyed by an impatient warrior, lets call him Me-gonna-break-lab. (After thorough research, i found such a name actually exists :P)...
So use the 33rd chamber while you still can :D
May the spirit of xaolin be with you

P.S. If you are wondering why I'm complaining about the same lab from which I'm posting...i love the rush of being a hypocrite :P

Mock Interviews

We have this compulsory subject called PCT (presentation and communication techniques) in our third semester in which we have mock interviews for term work. My mock interviews happened a few days back but relating it to kamya revived the mockery that it actually was.
The interview is divided into two parts, being the interviewer and the interviewee. This week i was the former. I remember some of the questions i asked to my petrified classmate and the hilarious replies that i got.

Me: Where do you see yourself in five years?
Her: Most probably doing research.
M: So you are using this job only as a platform for a better resume.
H: Yes. :P
(Thank god it wasn't an actual interview)

M: Why have you chosen our company for this job?
H: It was the only one with a job advertisement in the paper
(At this point i just lost hope)

M: So this is your last option?
H: Actually, i'm still undecided whether i want a job or i want to do research. It all depends on my M.S. Application
(She is so screwed!!)

M: Ok. Moving on... The post you have applied for, it requires some physical strength. Do you think that this will be an obstacle?
H: I think you should hire SOME subordinates to do the physical labour.
(This one was just too good)

Another interview which was just the icing on the cake
Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Interviewee: Sir, In your chair
:S

After this i really badly want to see their actual interviews. Thats just going to be gravy :P.
Till then, i hope more and more of these interviews keep happening just for some sadistic pleasure.

P.S. My interview is next week. Let's see how badly I get screwed up. :|

Rangeen Panda

I'm sure we have all seen the new GEMS ad about the colorful pandas. And i'm sure all of you concur when i say "What the F is this??".
I think the stupidity of advertisement has touched new realms with this ad. Actually, the mindless ads started with BINGO chips. But come on...those ads were hilarious. This one is just retarded. I mean WHAT IS UP WITH YOU AD PEOPLE!! The voice-over supposedly Navjyot Singh Siddhu, who right now has a career direction as focused as a damaged GPS, tells stuff that may embarrass his seven generations to come. And the pandas...well what can i say...sometimes you just gotta laugh at those poor bastards. But my point stands that new ads are just asinine.

So the next time you see an ad with seventeen blind rats dancing near this guy reading some book printed on a lion's back, its most probably an ad for a cellphone :P

Periodic Tests

My second periodic tests have started. A long three day ordeal not any easier than a triathlon has finally reared its ugly head on me. After long days and even longer nights working my ass off, when i sit for my paper, a realization hits me like an icy gust of wind.

I Don't Know Bull!!

God save me...

My cold shower

I was just in the shower today and i realized something. After the regular double application of shampoo i noticed something. Something so horrific just the revival of it sends jitters down me. Looking at the floor, eyes widened, "Im Going Bald!!!".
With more than a few strands of hair being washed away by water with carelessness i realized the gravity of the situation...

What subsequently followed were what you can say 'The five stages of grief'.
Anger: "Oh Shit!"
Denial: "I just had a haircut the day before. The cut hair is just resurfacing."
Bargaining: "Maybe if i pray to the egyptian deity of testosterone my hair might grow back."
Depression: "Which chick with a perfect head of hair going to go out with a bald guy!", but then again i heard that Ghandiji, with all due respect, was a babe magnet.
and finally
Acceptance: "Oh Shit!"

"Perseverance and some hair care will re fertilize your partly barren head" said my Jedi master. So off i go to buy some VERY expensive hair care products and maybe some hair moose (for extra sensitive hair).

Damn my genes!

The Grand Ferrero

Ever thought about the word 'Perfect'?? A simple 3 syllabled word doling out multiple compliments simultaneously. Well i looked it up but any synonym was dismal. But be not dejected. Even if no verbal composition can live up to the word 'Perfect', i found something that can.

At this point, you would be expecting a life changing insight into the real purpose of life, but all I'm talking about are chocolate covered nut balls...

Ferrero rochers, a perfect concoction of perfect taste, perfect size, perfect color, perfect texture....Perfect.

These masterpieces, 15 bucks a piece, are somewhat of a marvel. Consuming it elevates you beyond the ordinary. Makes you fell like...well i'll say it...a God. Each chocolate covered punus dulcis (almonds for the lay man) tastes just the right amount of sweet. Its not overwhelming like a mortal 'Dairy Milk' or a 'MARS bar' but also not too subtle like a 'Coco crunch'. Even the crunchiness isn't too much ('Munch') or too little ('Maltese'). Like the Baby Bear's bed, it is JUST RIGHT.

With a ferrero rocher in my mouth, I salute this chef-d'œuvre in all its grandeur. Let it always feel like heaven...

Coldplay

Acoustic music is somehow boring, the lyrics mundane and the sound just cold.

Coldplay is different. For once, an acoustic band has me hooked to its music in a way none other could. I can listen to its music in every mood and still feel the jitters i felt the first time i heard those songs. I wonder what is about its music that i can link to so well. What gets to me?

"Look at the stars. Look how they shine for You..." - Yellow.

Coldplay has music that is not what you can call conventional. I mean look at Life In Technicolor II or Lovers in Japan. It is simplistic but somehow elevates your mood. The lyrics are something anyone can relate to. I mean, the first time i heard Til kingdom come i thought they were singing it specially for me. That feeling i don't find with any other band. Even Green Day, my close second in band ranking, is no comparison in its words.

The first time i heard coldplay (not live) was at Totos about 2 years back. Yellow playing on the speakers, i fell in love with it. Now, 190 coldplay songs later, i am still in love with it. And with every one of those 190 songs.

This is just an ode to my favorite band, who i hope will come to India and fulfill my undying wish of watching them play Live.

"Its true,

look how they shine for you

look how they shine for you

Its true look how they shine for you

look how they shine for you"

- Yellow

Pilot 101

Every so often people are hit with an overwhelming urge to write. Their thoughts, stories and memories clearly formed in their mind. But the incohesive feature of words leaves them unable to substantiate anything. Epiphany struck and i realized i am IN such a feeling. Today i decided to let that feeling pass and verbalize some of my thoughts, however menial and lacking any order or sense, and begin my blogging.

So i begin with a chaotic and poorly formed prologue. Hope the following posts are enjoyable and readable..